02/11/2024
ive been doing a bit better since the last update :) it has gotten warmer! i havent seen many of my friends but im still trying to be social and leave the house as much as i can- i'm really excited for december; the train station near me will finally be open! ive only been waiting... a decade lmao. genuinely if this happened when i was 14 i wouldve been an entirely different person. still, im looking forward to it. i really struggle with spontaneous plans because for so long i haven't had the money to afford all the travel costs, i hope december me will actually abuse my power & go hang in the city more lol. in other news, ive made some more progress with my merch stuff w/ a couple hiccups along the way, ive been watching a lot of stuff (just watched seed of chucky!) and i've been making progress on my fursuit! i should start styling this site sometime... i just struggle to balance all my hobbies. forgive me if the next update comes in a week, ill be crafting in the meantime.21/10/2024
im struggling a bit.. i had a breakdown last night, wondered if it would be best for me to go to a ward or rehab or something, but i feel so nervous about breaking this lazy, boring routine that i hate. idk why, obviously lol. this is the part of autism i hate. i know whats best for me, i know im capable of doing it, but im just so scared because its different. i feel borderline agoraphobic. i WANT to leave the house, see my friends, act independently, but it feels like i physically cant. i hope it gets warmer soon. i really just want to go for a walk on a late summer afternoon.. i think that would make me feel a lot better
19/10/2024
testing aseprite.. i bought it a while ago but as mentioned in the last update- i really struggle with pixel art!! i admire everyone who pursues it. it's an entirely different beast than illustration.. AGAIN, in relation to last update, after watching THE SUBSTANCE i kept imagining a pet raising sim where you care for your 'other self', a pet switching every 7 days.. u have to feed your pet every day of course, and u can 'prestige' by activating a new self. anyway, here's a couple aseprite gifs i made inspired by THE SUBSTANCE.
18/10/2024
i bought pico8 and picotron - i don't know the first thing about LUA, i suck at music production & doing pixel art feels very uncomfortable after doing regular drawings my entire life!!!!! but its time to Facking Lock IN!!!!!!!!! i very much would like to make a chao garden inspired (or maybe even a demake of the chao system itself?) tamagotchi/pet raising game.. i think it would be well suited to the pico system!
17/10/2024
i watched TITANE for the first time today, it's been recommended to me a lot because CRASH is probably my alltime favourite movie.. i feel like i need to rewatch TITANE to properly digest it. i wish i watched it in cinema, i think a crowd would've helped me appreciate it more. i thought it was a bit too sentimental for my tastes which made the incest themes pretty uncomfortable for me. i'm pretty chill with taboo themes in horror and i'm sure other people had a more nuanced viewing of the movie and the relationship between adrien and vincent but it personally just put me on edge. there were still moments in there that made me CRY though, really hard hitting stuff. i think there's a movie i'd really enjoy somewhere in there!!!!! and i might come back and add some more things i enjoyed about the movie as i remember them, but CRASH still remains superior imo u_u
16/10/2024
i feel so much pressure when im making websites i never actually use them to blog, i thought maybe i would use this more as an alternative to social media. it might be a little messy and all over the place but im trying to give myself grace lol ...